Local Woman Hospitalized with Severe Case of "Postelectionitis"

Smalltown resident Sarah Ballotbox, 42, was rushed to St. Voter's Hospital late last night after suffering from an acute case of "postelectionitis."

Doctors describe the condition as a rare affliction that occurs when an individual becomes overly invested in election results.

Dr. Polly Tician, lead physician at St. Voter's, explained, "Ms. Ballotbox exhibited classic symptoms of postelectionitis: uncontrollable shouting of campaign slogans, an inability to see any color other than red or blue, and severe inflammation of the opinion gland."

Witnesses report that Ballotbox's condition deteriorated rapidly after the polls closed. Her neighbor, Tom Undecided, recounted the harrowing scene: "One minute she was calmly watching the results, the next she was running down the street waving a 'Vote for Nobody' sign and demanding a recount of her grocery list."

Emergency responders found Ballotbox in a state of electoral delirium, attempting to stuff ballots into her mailbox and accusing her garden gnomes of voter fraud. "It was clear she needed immediate medical attention," said paramedic Abby Stention. "Her political pulse was off the charts."

At the hospital, doctors administered a strong dose of reality TV and cat videos in an attempt to depoliticize Ballotbox's system. "We're cautiously optimistic," Dr. Tician stated. "She's already showing signs of improvement. This morning, she managed to have a conversation about the weather without mentioning climate policy."

As a precautionary measure, hospital staff have removed all newspapers and turned off all news channels in Ballotbox's room. They've also confiscated her smartphone to prevent any exposure to social media echo chambers.

Health officials are urging the public to be aware of postelectionitis symptoms, which include an obsession with poll numbers, the inability to discuss anything but politics, and a compulsion to fact-check family dinner conversations.

"Remember," Dr. Tician advised, "there is life beyond the ballot box. Sometimes, the best remedy is simply to turn off the news and watch paint dry for a few hours."