Hippos prove it's impossible to lose weight by eating salad and walking

The iconic hippopotamus has disproven the theory that eating greens and walking around a lot helps you lose weight.

The fat wankers, often seen lounging around in rivers and eating, often top the scales at over 3,300lbs - the equivalent of a small family car.

Nature expert Glenda Grubble told Grumpy Fuckers:

“We see these fitness people online, telling us to eat more greenery and walk around a lot but we only have to take one look at these fat fucks on our TVs to see that that approach doesn’t work. These beasts are massive - so much for healthy eating and exercising. I’d rather be like one of those Italian women who smoke cigarettes instead of eating and look perfect. I might smell a bit but I’d rather that than look like a fucking hippo.”

The hippopotamus can often be found in rivers, lakes, and mangrove swamps, mostly in Africa, but sometimes at fast food outlets in the US. Despite their stocky appearance, hippos can run up to 20 mph, especially if someone has just stolen their burger.

“I’m going to stick to what I know best and that’s eat a load of shit and not worry about anything. If anyone else tries to force me to eat grass, I’ll tell them where to stick it,” added Grubble.

The Latin word hippopotamus is derived from the ancient Greek ἱπποπόταμος (hippopótamos), from ἵππος (híppos) 'horse' and ποταμός (potamós) 'river', together meaning 'horse of the river', which we’ve just mentioned here to make up the word count.