Most common cause of stress identified as 'dealing with dickheads'

Medical experts have identified the cause of 100% of the world’s stress - and it all comes down to dealing with dickheads.

Dealing with dickheads has been identified as the leading cause of the world’s stress, making life 300% harder than it needs to be.

Scientist Prof. Billy Bigbollocks told Grumpy Fuckers:

“Life is hard enough as it is but these dickheads just make life so much harder for everyone. Having to put up with their continuous shit raises our cortisol levels by 3000%, meaning that our stres levels go through the roof. Our hair falls out, our tits fall off, and our life expectancy comes down 5000%. And all because dickheads just can’t stop being dickheads.

“Our research has shown that if the world didn’t contain any dickheads, life would be 10,000% easier and we’d all live 30,000% longer. The real problem is that dickheads keep creating mini dickheads and these grow up to be big dickheads and they take over the world.

“What we suggest should happen is that all the dickheads in the world be deported to an island in the middle of nowhere, where they can all live with the direct effects of dickheads, like the rest of us have had to do for the last few years.”

Professor Bigbollocks added that the world needs a large purge of the dickheads to give humanity any chance of surviving.

“The world needs a large purge of the dickheads to give humanity any chance of surviving,” he said.