Government to set up National Cockwomble Register

The government is to set up a National Cockwomble register to allow authorities to keep track of their activities. 

Registered cockwombles will be subject to a range of restrictions, including being allowed out in the daytime and night time. 

A spokesman for the government told Grumpy Fuckers: 

"We've been calling for this register for many years now. The number of cockwombles in this country has increased by nearly 1,000% and we are facing an epidemic. Anyone who is deemed to be cockwomble will be forced to sign onto the register, both to warn members of the public, and so that we can keep track of them on a daily basis.

“Should anyone contravene any of the restrictions placed upon them, and we'll come down on them like a sack of shit. And heavy shit at that. Members of the public can report people being cockwombles via a new cockwomble hotline that we're setting up." 

One woman, who has a cockwomble partner said: 

"As soon as this becomes law, I'll be phoning the hotline and getting my partner on that list. He is a complete and utter cockwomble and should be sent to live on Mars." 

Authorities are expecting a large number of cockwombles to be registered within the first few days.