Breakfast radio DJs told to stop being so fucking happy

Breakfast radio DJs across the country have been instructed to stop sounding so fucking happy.

Critics have complained that sounding so happy about life so early in the morning is unnatural, and should be banned.

Frank Grumblebags of the National Council of Radio Stations said:

"We've been having happy DJs first thing in the morning for far too long. Back in the day, I used to turn my radio on and listen to pure silence because there were no fuckers on the airwaves. Then some arsehole comes along and thinks it's funny to be happy first thing in the morning. The annoying thing about radio is that you can't punch the offender in the face. All you can do is turn that shit off. We are calling for a blanket ban across the country to stop these people infecting our mornings with happiness and laughter. It's just not right."

Brett Smiley, breakfast DJ for Shit FM said:

"I'm so happy in the mornings. I just want to make everyone else happy. After 10am when I get home though, I am a miserable fucker."