Police given new powers to taser people who use inappropriate apostrophe’s

Police are to be given new powers to taser people who use apostrophes incorrectly.

The Government says that it’s had enough of that shit and wants to clamp down immediately.

A spokesman for the Government said:

“We’ve had enough of this shit. Everywhere we go, we see apostrophes being used in the wrong context. It takes just a few minutes to learn the rules but people can’t be arsed. It’s a national disgrace. We have therefore passed new laws to allow our police services to taser the fuck out of anyone who uses an apostrophe incorrectly. If they still refuse to use them correctly, then we have instructed our policemen and women to beat them with a large stick. We’d like to think that this will send a very clear message to the cockwombles who still use their apostrophes incorrectly.”

One nervous shopkeeper said:

“I never know what to write on the blackboard in my greengrocers. Do I write carrots, carrot’s or carrots’? I’m so confused.”

He was later tasered.