Our shitty filter coffee comes served in a polystyrene cup and goes cold in 3 minutes flat
Free stirrer included
Crappy Mocha
$3.67
Espresso with milk and a splodge of exterior wall paint
Cafe Vodka Valium Latte
$4.79
Got a day ahead of working with fuckwits? You need one of these fuckers
Cockswill Cappuccino
$4.03
Espresso and foam, expertly stirred with our barrista's own love length
Ashtray Latte
$3.65
Espresso and foam, lightly dusted with burnt cigarette dust
Iced Disinfectant Latte
$3.92
Espresso, milk, ice, and disinfectant flavor
Masticated Macchiato
$2.54
Espresso, vanilla-flavored syrup and milk, slightly eaten and spat back out
Fuck You Crappaccino
$2.98
Piss-poor espresso with milk and foam - if we can be arsed
Iced Caramel Shit Dab
$4.67
Espresso, milk, ice and a dab of shit
New!
Stewed Tea
$3.06
Cup of tea with a teabag that's been left in it for a month
Tramp’s Cum Tea
$2.60
A super-weak cup of tea
Not-so-specials
Shit Sandwich
$4.79
Chunks of some animal that’s been dead for weeks, squished in between two bits of bread and shoved on a plate
Chernobyl Cheese On Toast
$5.99
Nuclear-disaster-inspired. Cheese on bread, burnt to fuckery
Vegetarian
Fuck Knows What It IS Burger
$6.79
No one knows what it is. But we sell it
Chicken in a basket
$7.49
Literally a dead bird in a basket. Can be cooked for $10 extra
Dead cow’s arse sandwich
$8.99
Slices of dead cow's arse in between two bits of bread
Knuckle sandwich
Free
Piss us off enough and you'll get this delivered straight to your chops
Vegan
Vegan Dust Bowl
$5.99
Dust. In a bowl. Because that's what they eat, right?
Vegan
Cake
$2.99
A slice of whatever shit we can buy at the cash-and-carry last night
Deluxe vegan dessert
$3.99
Chopped apple on a plate
Vegan
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