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Police given new powers to taser people who are too happy in the mornings

A new Government directive will give new powers to police to clamp down on people who are too happy in the mornings.

Police will soon be able to taser happy morning people straight in the face from next month.

A spokesman for the Police Federation told Grumpy Fuckers:

“We’ve all had enough of this happy-in-the-morning shit from arseholes who really haven’t lived. They come whistling into work as if they’re the happiest arseholes on the planets when most of us are struggling to even keep our eyes open. This new directive comes at a very timely moment and it will allow us to nip this kind of shit in the bud before they even get going. The directive is very clear that we can taser people straight in the face if they appear too happy first thing in the morning. We have officers who have been specially trained to get up at 6am ready for these shitheads. They’ve had it coming to them for years.”

Happy morning person Jim said:

“I can’t wait to get tasered in the face. I just LOVE mornings and getting tasered in the face. This is like the best thing that’s ever happened to me! Life is sssssssssssssoooooooooooooo good right now.”

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