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Our menu


Shitty Filter Coffee

shit coffee

Our shitty filter coffee comes served in a polystyrene cup and goes cold in 3 minutes flat.

Fuck You Crappuccino


Here’s our signature drink – the Fuck You Crappuccino. Expertly prepared. Sort of.

Tramp’s Cum Tea

weak tea

Our super-weak tea has earned itself a reputation around our parts. Why not try one?

Cafe Vodka Valium Latte

Got a day ahead of working with fuckwits? You need one of these fuckers.


Shit Sandwich

Shit Sandwich

Chunks of some animal that’s been dead for weeks, squished in between two bits of bread and shoved on a plate.

Chernobyl Cheese On Toast

Chernobyl Cheese Sarnie

Nuclear-disaster-inspired. Cheese on bread, burnt to fuckery.

Gristle Burger


All the bits off the slaughter house floor that they thought they’d never sell – in a bun.

Fuck Knows What It Is Burger

No one knows what it is. But we sell it.

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